Me is Ace Linguist

I am killing approximately 8 million hours in Charles de Gaulle airport, next to people leaving for Chicago and Philadelphia and Toronto (how Bamako fits in I do not know, but this is a different terminal than the modernist oval round one I usually leave from, which has bright sun streaming in but is somehow kept frigidly cold in all seasons). Perhaps something fell down again. Who knows. Anyway. I have gotten coffee and croissants in this terminal before, on my way back home to the States, and it was good. So of course I decided to try the stand alone stand instead of the Shoppe-thing. I witness a prime example of French snobbery!

Older black American woman: Yes, I'd like a coffee? What kind of coffee do you have?
Surly: It's coffee, just coffee.
OBAW: But what flavors do you have?
Surly: Flavors? It tastes like coffee.
OBAW: Yes but I'd like a coffee that's not strong. Do you have coffee that's not strong?
Surly: I don't understand.
Guy behind woman: Listen, she wants coffee that isn't strong. Don't you speak English?
Surly: Je suis Francais. Je parle Francais. Je ne comprend pas.
Guy: Well you shouldn't be working in an airport if you can't speak English! We're going somewhere else, come on Elaine, we're leaving.
Surly: Vas y allez.

I was the next customer. I tried sooooo hard to make my accent not african. The coffee still sucked though.

Across the aisle from me on the plane over was an older couple. He was wearing tan orthapedic shoes and a safari vest. She was plump with a white turtleneck and gold chain and fancy Dame Edna glasses. They talked the entire time. He did color commentary on the landspeed and distance traveled monitor! At first I thought he was speaking English because the intonation and the vowels were Oklahoma. But then I realized it was French. I heard a 'quand-mayme' and thought oh! they're quebecois! It's like Tete-a-claques right in front of me! Amazing! But it was still a little odd. Finally at the end of the flight he put his hat back on. I mean, this guy was just speaking french non stop, but stuff like 'por le moment', with American stresses on the syllables. (I am spelling phonetically, by the way). His hat - US ARMY VETERAN. It all makes sense. He talks like a guy who married a french girl back in 1945 and never left. And never stopped talking.